Sometimes, it just doesn't make sense

I've held off for two days, but I feel compelled to talk about what has happened at Virginia Tech. I went there for grad school a few years ago, and although I though it was a great atmosphere, I guess I always felt a little disconnected since I was a grad student, and not an undergrad, I lived off campus and I was in a pretty co-dependent department.

I am now struck with how hard Monday's events are hitting me. I walked by that building, had class next door....and I recognize all that Hokie stone. (We from VT are an odd bunch - the only people on the planet who understand Hokie stone, fighting gobblers, and why a cannon goes off during good football games).

In a way, I feel guilty feeling so upset about it. I'm about 10 years older than many of the kids (and that's what they are, essentially) who are dealing with this....or trying to. I'm several years out of school, and haven't been back there. Still - you know how everyone says college is your big life-identifying years....where you find yourself, etc. I didn't feel it then, but looking back, I can see it. And having this be a defining factor - Yikes. One powerful thing about VT, though - it's a tightly bound place....at least on some level. Something about being in the near middle-of-nowhere in the mountains with a turkey for a mascot, and cows at the front entrance to the school, does somehting to you. I once heard that VT had the highest number of alumni license plates in the U.S., not that it's the largest school or has the most graduates by any means. I guess what I'm saying is that VT people, on the whole, feel an obligation to that place...maybe not so much an obligation as a dedication. And people will fight back, and get through and come out ahead because of that.

Not that that's stopping me from checking cnn, the ny times and a myriad of other news sites countless times a day. It's that thing I think many of us experienced on 9-11, where you know the news isn't going to be good, and you know that you're only getting snippets, and maybe unconfirmed snippets at that, but you just need to know. You can't seem to stop. Sooner or later, I will. After all, I need to get some work done eventually. But don't stop entirely. Next week, when all this is eclipsed by some dumb thing Bush has done, remember what it was like to be 19 and worried about your chem lab homework....and be grateful.